Big Man the Book

Don

I’m not going to make it,” said Clarence.

We were sitting in his hospital room overlooking the East River. He’d had his second knee-replacement surgery two days before. The other knee had been replaced two weeks ago.
“Don’t talk like that”, I said. “You’re going to be fine.”

“I mean the Super Bowl show,” he said. “There’s no way. You can’t imagine the pain.”

For him to say this, the pain must have been off the charts. I’d been with him through surgeries before, including three hip replacements, which are no walk in the park. But I had never seen him like this or heard him talk this way.

“It’s too soon to say that,” I replied. “Give it some time. Take the drugs and rest.”

“They haven’t made a drug that can touch this pain. I feel like I’m made of pain.”

It was the first week of October, and the band was booked to play the half-time show at the Super Bowl in February. That was only four months away. In my heart I agreed with Clarence. I did not think there was any way on God’s earth that he’d be able to make that show.

“Do you want to work on the book?” I asked. “Feel like telling me some stories?”

“Maybe,” he said. “I’ve been having all these crazy dreams. Fever dreams about all the people in my life. My family, Bruce, music, writers I like…” He trailed off momentarily but soon picked up again. “Some truly bizarre stuff. These dreams-they’re full of crazy conversations in weird places. I’ve been thinking about my mother and father a lot. I guess that’s natural in this situation. They’re gone and I feel like I’m moving toward them fast.”

“This doesn’t sound like you, Big Man,” I said.

That was true. Clarence has always been one of the most positive people in the world.

“I know, Don,” he said. “But I don’t feel like me.”

He turned his head away and looked out the window. It was early afternoon, and the FDR was already jammed with traffic. A big barge was being towed upriver just below us.

“I’ve never missed a show in my life,” he said.

He didn’t look at me when he said it, because he wasn’t talking to me.